I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish you could order shots online.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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