batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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