While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
This toilet bowl is my home.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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