Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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