We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
