Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
