im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
