So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
