I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
