Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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