i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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