it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
