This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
