I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
