So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
