please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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