So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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