I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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