dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
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I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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