Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
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i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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