hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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