Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
