Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
