just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
