So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
