Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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