we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
