she was so not down for the gang bang
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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