Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
