I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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