You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So squirting runs in the family.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
