im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
