I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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