I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
