I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
