You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
