one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
