So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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