i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
