I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
