You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
23 Times Kids Said the Harshest Things
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
21 Rich People Confess The Best And Worst Things About Being Wealthy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest