TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
