I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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