Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
