I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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