I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
did you just send me my own nude
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
