How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
