Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
