so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
