In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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