and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
