something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.