Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"