Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.

(1-714): View more from California

yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...

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(714): so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen. (1-714): yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed... http://tfl.nu/69pu

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(256): View more from Alabama

So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.

(256): View more from Alabama

that was the beginning of the end.

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(256): So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school. (256): that was the beginning of the end. http://tfl.nu/usmt

Replies (23) Good night (589) Bad night (3427)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.

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(402): She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night. http://tfl.nu/vsnq

Replies (17) Good night (754) Bad night (3338) Order T-Shirt
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?

(1-203): View more from Connecticut

Good morning to you

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(203): Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday? (1-203): Good morning to you http://tfl.nu/rc7c

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(519): View more from Ontario

I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.

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(519): I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it. http://tfl.nu/dyf5

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(705): View more from Ontario

just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...

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(705): just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer... http://tfl.nu/qk4d

Replies (6) Good night (1818) Bad night (894) Order T-Shirt
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(979): View more from Texas

There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.

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(979): There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer. http://tfl.nu/lpls

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks

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(910): I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks http://tfl.nu/c5hi

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time

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(617): Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time http://tfl.nu/k7i2

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating

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(262): At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun (262): Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating http://tfl.nu/mni7

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(361): View more from Texas

I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'

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(361): I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh' http://tfl.nu/gd1h

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(208): View more from Idaho

Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!

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(208): Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!! http://tfl.nu/fdif

Replies (11) Good night (1151) Bad night (362)
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(770): View more from Georgia

Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...

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(770): Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now... http://tfl.nu/knzm

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(940): View more from Texas

Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!

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(940): Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?! http://tfl.nu/l6ig

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(334): View more from Alabama

Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.

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(334): Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner. http://tfl.nu/nga8

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