I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot