Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.