no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize