Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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