I think I died a long time ago.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
