I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
