What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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