Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
