guys are not supposed to queef...right?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
