The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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